Monday, October 22, 2012

Poem - "A Jealous Heart Betrays"

I cannot be an encourager
   and a manipulator.
I cannot be praying for someone's deliverance from sinful behavior
   while at the same time judging that person
   thinking, "at least I'm not that bad."

Let me count my sins,
let me count your sins
and whoever has less is the better person.

I hope to win such a contest
   so that I might feel like less of a failure
   and more like a champion.
It takes the attention off of myself,
   off of the beam protruding from my own eye.
I am confident in my own self-righteousness.

I hope to win so that I might feel less ashamed of my own shortcomings.
Compared to you I look like a saint,
   and I have no interest in disclosing anything from my own sin laden past.

Your admissions, your confessions, portray you as an ordinary man.
Up until now you have been seen as a perfect individual,
   lacking any clearly defined flaws,
   but now your ugly secrets have been revealed.
Everything you tried to hide is visible to the light;
   the facade has been stripped away and you are exposed.

I should stand by your side, extending a helping hand to you, a brother in need,
   but instead I find myself in the midst of the mocking crowd, casting judgment against you.
This is a moment to savor, the decline of a giant, a bigger than life character.
The great man, the rising star, is nothing more than a poor, pathetic hypocrite.

You played the game wrong...
   you should have played the role of sinner first
   because it is a much more compelling role,
   but no, you declared yourself to be a saint.
The world targets such people.
It hopes that good people,
   honest men and women of strong character,
   have skeletons in their closets,
   closely guarded secrets that would crush their "impeccable" reputations.
Pretenders are not to be tolerated.

I am jealous of who you are, of what you have.
I should admire you, applaud you for your devotion, your integrity, your achievements,
   but I secretly want you out of the way
   so that the spotlight shines squarely on me.

God help me,
   change my attitude,
   change my heart.
Allow me to love and respect my brothers and sisters in the Lord,
   to stand beside them in a time of need
   and not in the shadows plotting their demise
   or in the midst of the mocking crowd.
Amen.
    
 

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